1. Introduction
In decision-making processes, time management, and interpersonal
relationships, we experience the impact of emotions and feelings
(Damasio 2001). However, the significance of emotions
extends beyond their subjective value or their manifestation as
individual psychological phenomena; it is embedded in social
constructions that reflect power dynamics and gender structures within a
given society. Consequently, in the observation of social action, it is
essential to consider emotional norms and the prevailing modes of
emotional expression within the corresponding context (Thoits 2004;
Hochschild 1979).
Emotional habitus (Illouz 2007) constitutes the
invisible matrix that shapes how individuals perceive and experience
emotions, aligning with the behavioral codes prescribed by the social
environment. Building on feminist theories of emotion (Ahmed 2004;
Illouz 2017), this study examines how romantic love is not a neutral or
private feeling, but a gendered construct embedded in patriarchal
emotional regimes associated with control, jealousy, and possessiveness.
The analysis aims to reveal how emotional normativity sustains
inequality, and how alternative emotional grammars rooted in autonomy
and reciprocity can provide counter-narratives.
This study examines emotional habitus through examples drawn from the
collective imagination, encapsulated in the figure of “malaise”
(#malessere), a phenomenon originating from the
character of Edoardo in the television series “Mare Fuori”. “Mare Fuori”
(Sea Beyond) is a popular Italian television drama set in a juvenile
detention center in Naples. The show explores the lives of incarcerated
youth, weaving themes of love, violence, loyalty, and systemic
marginalization. The term “malessere”, popularized by fans of “Mare
Fuori” on TikTok and musical narratives, refers to emotionally dominant
male characters that blend criminality, charm, and possessiveness.
The primary objective is to describe and analyze characteristics of
the emotional habitus of “malaise”, a media figure that embodies toxic
masculinity through attitudes of dominance, violence, and
possessiveness. Simultaneously, the study explores the emotions and
behaviors of the female characters associated with this figure, often
marked by affective dependence and the acceptance of subordination.
Finally, these models are compared with emotional habitus that
prioritize empathy, reciprocity, and autonomy, proposing less violent
gendered relational alternatives.
Through a critical media analysis, the study employs a mixed-methods
approach that integrates cultural studies and digital ethnography
(Caliandro & Gandini 2019). The TV series “Mare Fuori” serves as a
narrative platform for exploring emotional archetypes, while TikTok
functions as a social laboratory for observing how these archetypes are
received, transformed, and disseminated.
Emotional habitus forms the link between individual emotional
experiences and social structures. In the case of “malaise”, it reveals
how emotions are shaped and exploited to perpetuate unequal gender
norms. Furthermore, the concept proves valuable in understanding the
conflicts that arise when individuals interact with divergent emotional
habitus, such as in interclass relationships or in narratives that seek
to challenge patriarchal norms. Thus, this study contributes to the
debate on how emotions can serve as both instruments of oppression and
catalysts for social transformation.
Through a critical perspective, this work invites reflection on the
power dynamics embedded in emotions and the ways in which they shape
human relationships, influencing not only the private sphere but also
broader social and cultural structures.
2. Love and patriarchy
The relationship between emotions and patriarchy has been widely
discussed in sociology, psychology, and gender studies. This study aims
to analyze emotional habitus (Illouz 2007) as an invisible structure
that shapes romantic behavior and reproduces inequalities in gender
relations. Emotions, far from being mere expressions of
individuality, respond to social norms that dictate their
appropriateness in both feeling and expression (Cerulo & Scribano
2022; Jacobsen 2019; Cerulo 2024; Harris 2015; Stets & Turner 2014;
Turner & Stets 2005). Research has shown that emotions are
constructed in an intersectional manner with gender dynamics (Beyer
2022; Piazzesi 2021; Stets & Turner 2014, chap. 19; Fischer 2000).
In our society, emotional norms regulate emotional expression,
perpetuating a system of domination that includes both symbolic and
material violence, often limiting the freedom and psychological
well-being of both men and women (Wirtz et al. 2020).
Love is one of the key domains where emotional capital is deployed
most significantly. While often presented as an altruistic sentiment,
love is socially constructed in a way that renders the dynamics of
giving and receiving asymmetrical, reinforcing female subordination
(Illouz 2017). In this sense, love should be understood not only as a
feeling but as a practice encompassing social and political dimensions
(Guerra 2021; hooks 2000; Beyer 2022). This perspective extends love
beyond the private sphere, framing it as a social act capable of
influencing, and at times subverting, power structures and social
conventions.
This “emotional capital” (Illouz 2017) manifests itself through an
emotional habitus, a concept that extends Bourdieu’s framework to
emotions, shaping how individuals experience and manage them within
their social positioning. The concept of emotional deviance (Thoits 1985; 1990), alongside that of “symbolic violence”
(Bourdieu 1998), provides an additional interpretative lens for
understanding the dynamics that influence emotions and their perception
in different social contexts. The ability to regulate emotions and
effectively mobilize emotional capital becomes a distinctive indicator
of both class and gender, as emotional habitus varies according to
access to social and economic resources. This concept allows us to
understand how emotions are shaped by social and class norms, serving as
both a tool for control and a means of reinforcing existing structures
(Illouz 2017). This study observes the ambivalence of emotional habitus,
particularly how interactions between genders and social classes
generate tensions between the experience of freedom (in departure) and
the sense of obligation (in return) within relational norms.
Within this framework, love is transformed into both an indicator of
personal happiness and identity and a mechanism of social
classification. Modern love is characterized by an increasing emphasis
on individual autonomy and a pervasive integration of economic models
into the ways people construct their identities and expectations (Illouz
2007). Romantic relationships today are increasingly shaped by market
logics and self-help culture, which frame emotions as resources to be
rationally managed. In this “market” of emotional and affective
resources, inequalities are reinforced between those who are able to
compete in managing them and those who are not.
Contemporary love is marked by a fundamental ambivalence: while
modernity has brought about sexual liberation and the affirmation of
gender equality, it has also generated profound uncertainty (Bauman
2013; Giddens 1992; Beck & Beck-Gernsheim 2018). The ideal
trajectory, driven by feminist cultural transformations and the economic
and technological shifts of post-industrial society, has given rise to a
techno-utopia of post-romantic love (Bandinelli & Gandini 2022).
This perspective envisions a risk-free, painless, and efficient form of
intimacy, devoid of the complexities characteristic of embodied
romanticism, what we might call “post-romantic love”(Bandinelli 2024),
an idealized interaction stripped of emotional turmoil and the weight of
passion. This type of love seeks to eliminate the painful effects of
emotional intensity, the dramatic burdens of sentimentality, and the
tragedy of solitude. It aspires to an “optimized self”, where love
should never cause one to “fall” dangerously, exposing them to the risk
of heartbreak. This post-romantic ideal, while seemingly emancipatory,
coexists with affective capitalism, where emotional detachment becomes a
marketable trait. The tension between romantic optimization and
patriarchal nostalgia is particularly evident in youth content creation
on TikTok.
At the same time, there is an opposing cultural narrative of “toxic
love”, a term borrowed from the psychoanalytic discourse prevalent in
contemporary discussions on relationships. This concept frames certain
relationships as inherently harmful, where emotional well-being is not
prioritized but rather its opposite is normalized and even sought after.
Gender inequality is often depicted unfiltered on digital platforms,
particularly on TikTok, where it is continuously reproduced and
reinvented through new visual and performative languages (Abidin 2021;
Banet-Weiser 2018). This process amplifies masculinist cultural
dimensions, legitimizing their impact. Narratives of “toxic love” and
dysfunctional relationships, frequent in viral content, reinforce the
notion that male dominance and control are both normal and even
desirable. In this way, digital platforms serve as echo chambers for
cultural archetypes of unequal gender dynamics, complicating efforts to
deconstruct and reformulate new relational models.
Romantic relationships almost always place the responsibility of
emotional management on women, both in intimate and professional
contexts (cfr emotional work and labour in Hochschild 1979), in order to
maintain harmony. Feelings of gratitude and guilt are instilled in women
to legitimize their roles as caregivers and their sacrifices (Ahmed
2004), while suppressing expressions of anger and disgust (Ahmed 2017).
Patriarchy and capitalism have historically regulated both sexuality and
reproductive labor by leveraging emotions such as fear (of deviance) and
transforming love into a form of obedience (Federici 2020).
On the other hand, men, in their pursuit of hegemonic masculinity,
are encouraged to alienate their emotional dimension, suppressing
emotions such as fear, sadness, and compassion, while being incentivized
to display strength, dominance, and self-control (Connell 1995;
Jeleniewski Seidler 2007). Hegemonic masculinity is built upon a
combination of repressed emotions, replaced by anger and violence,
traits often normalized as desirable in patriarchal cultures (Kupers
2005). The concept of toxic masculinity,
merging emotional deviance with the so-called male identity crisis, is
deeply embedded in patriarchal violence
(Pettyjohn et al. 2019). Popularized in the wake of the #MeToo movement,
it highlights the double jeopardy of patriarchal norms: they harm both
women and men by restricting their ability to express emotional
complexity and identity, while also perpetuating symbolic references,
categories, and attitudes that sustain these practices.
The contexts in which hegemonic masculinity develops foster a culture
that legitimizes violence as a reaction to the crisis of traditional
gender roles, a phenomenon often observed in pop culture and far-right,
alt-right, and incel rhetoric (Dordoni & Magaraggia 2021). The
masculinity crisis is tied to broader societal anxieties, as evidenced
by the rise of antifeminist reactionary movements that perceive female
emancipation as a threat. The reproduction of patriarchy thus relies on
an emotional culture fueled by frustration, fear, and anger, emotions
that sustain gender-based violence and integrate it into male identity.
As Mélanie Gourarier notes, “historically, the fear of male decline is a
bottomless pit” (with Benveniste 2017). This recurring anxiety serves a
social and political function: the continuous claim that masculinity is
at risk due to women and the dissolution of gender binaries reaffirms
its dominance under the guise of protecting it, ultimately reinforcing
differentiation and asymmetry between men and women while resisting
gender equality.
While discourses on gender equality and anti-violence advocacy are
gaining traction in certain cultural enclaves of Italian society, the
counterpoint represented by “malaise” appears to embody a reactionary
faction that echoes numerous government-backed anti-gender narratives
(Dietze & Roth 2020). These narratives oppose the redefinition of
gender roles in a truly egalitarian framework and instead seek to
reaffirm the status quo as the only legitimate perspective. The
negotiation of gender definitions, within a context of unequal power
relations, becomes increasingly precarious as one moves away from gender
binarism and heteronormativity.
The current political and social landscape in Italy, as reflected in
data from anti-violence centers and ISTAT reports, shows a rising number
of reported cases of abuse and mistreatment (ISTAT 2023; Bermúdez &
Meléndez-Domínguez 2020). Symbolic, verbal, emotional, and psychological
violence within heterosexual relationships, primarily perpetrated by
men, remains a form of abuse that is less frequently recognized and
reported by women compared to physical and sexual violence. Research
examining this form of violence, particularly its sociocultural roots
and communicative dynamics, remains scarce, as do studies on its media
representation, especially in cinema (Rossi & Capalbi 2022).
Adopting a feminist sociolinguistic perspective, this study also
explores how language can contribute either to reinforcing or
challenging gender roles and stereotypes in intimate relationships.
Language, while often reflecting gender inequalities, can also serve as
a tool for emancipation and resistance (Nodari 2021).
Furthermore, this study critically revisits the patriarchal framing
of romantic love, which naturalizes unequal relational dynamics by
romanticizing pain, jealousy, and emotional dependence, and
deconstructing the emotional scripts attached to romantic love, it may
help challenge its idealized, yet oppressive, forms.
3. Methodology
The study adopts a qualitative mixed-methods approach, integrating
cultural studies and critical media analysis to examine various media
contents. This methodology combines the analysis of scenes from the TV
series “Mare Fuori”, the lyrics and videos of neomelodic and trap songs,
and digital ethnography on TikTok to investigate the cultural
construction of “malaise”.
The first category of media materials is drawn from the TV series
“Mare Fuori” and its related mockumentary “Le Confessioni”, which
provide a narrative corpus on affective dynamics and behaviors
associated with “malaise”. “Le Confessioni”, structured as fictional
interviews with incarcerated characters, offers insight into the
psychological and emotional motivations of the protagonists. Through
their self-narration, these characters themselves contribute to
outlining implicit and explicit logics of romantic relationships.
The study then examines a selection of songs dedicated to “malaise”,
released between 2023 and 2024, primarily in Neapolitan dialect. A
subset of ten of these songs, selected basing on shared emotional codes
and popularity metrics (views, shares, audio reuse), are identified as
particularly representative of a shared emotional framework. Most of
them are contemporary productions and few are revisited version of more
ancient songs, adhering to most popular music genres like trap and
neomelodic styles. Among these, recurring musical backdrops include:
“Malessere” by Rosy Rey – 35.9K views; “Malessere” by Fabiana – 27.3K
views; “Tu malavita io criminale” by Marco Calone – 65.9K views.
Following this, the analysis shifts to user-generated content on
TikTok, employing digital ethnography to observe and interpret users’
communicative and cultural practices. A targeted sampling method is
applied (Amaturo, Punziano, 2016), following the “follow the users”
principle (Caliandro & Gandini, 2019) and incorporating the
perspective of “machine habitus” (Airoldi, 2023). This approach allows
researchers to track relevant users within the platform, examining how
their content and interactions contribute to the collective
meaning-making process. It also conceptualizes the interaction between
individuals and algorithms as co-productions of dominant culture,
framing TikTok as a cultural environment where trends and user behaviors
are shaped by algorithmic codes.
A selection of videos related to “malaise” in romantic relationships
was identified using keywords such as “relationships, couple, malessere,
Neapolitan love”, yielding 98,700 posts in TikTok as of October 2024. A
thematic saturation point was reached after coding an initial sample of
50 posts per category (female or male individuals, couples, commercial,
music clip, TV serie repost), manual coding was conducted based on
discourse patterns. The dataset includes individual user videos, couple
skits, and commercial posts, with some shops even promoting the
“#malessere” aesthetic as a distinctive consumer style. Ethical
considerations were addressed by anonymizing user data and excluding any
private or harmful content, in accordance with platform terms of use and
academic standards for digital ethnography.
4. Analysis
4.1.
Brief story of the “#Malessere” prototype: Edoardo in “Mare fuori”
The narrative surrounding Edoardo, Carmela, and Teresa offers a
portrait of relationships where toxic love, symbolic violence, and
control are either normalized or challenged, depending on each
character’s social and cultural experiences. Each of them embodies a
distinct emotional habitus, shaped by their background and relational
expectations.
From the storyline, we learn that Edoardo and Carmela meet through
their best friends, Rosa and Ciro Ricci, siblings from a Camorra family
that adopts Carmela after she becomes orphaned. Edoardo, a criminal
affiliated with the Camorra, has been imprisoned multiple times. His
role in the relationship reflects a dominant masculinity: overbearing,
irresponsible, and incapable of managing complex emotions. For Edoardo,
“Carmela is someone who solves problems”, a
role reduced to traditional domesticity: the devoted wife, the reliable
mother, the emotional anchor. She represents stability but requires no
introspection or emotional commitment from him. This relationship
dynamic is built on gendered emotional work, where the practical and
affective burdens are entirely placed on the woman.
Carmela, in turn, accepts this role and rationalizes it as part of
her identity and destiny. She states: “He gave me a family, a mother, a
home”, forms of security in her orphan condition, emphasizing how her
concept of love is rooted in material security and social stability in
the absence of alternatives. Carmela’s subordination is also evident in
her response to Edoardo’s infidelity: “He can forget me as a partner,
but he cannot forget that I am the mother of his child.” She accepts
suffering as inevitable, sacrificing her well-being for the sake of her
child and the preservation of a predetermined family structure. Her
emotional habitus aligns with rigid gender norms, where submission is
not only normalized but idealized as a feminine virtue and a necessary
sacrifice.
A contrasting emotional habitus is embodied by Teresa, a ceramics
workshop volunteer in the prison, with whom Edoardo falls in love.
Teresa comes from an upper-class background and initially succumbs to
Edoardo’s advances but later distances herself upon recognizing his
violent tendencies. Her emotional habitus is fundamentally different:
she has internalized emotional self-regulation, rationality, and
autonomy. Initially intrigued by Edoardo’s exuberant demeanor, she
experiences internal conflicts stemming from class incompatibility.
However, once she discovers he has a partner and child, she reverts to
her original habitus, prioritizing self-respect and loyalty. Her
statement: “I know my worth, and I didn’t deserve the way he treated
me,” marks the turning point of her emotional detachment. Teresa’s
decision to leave Edoardo underscores a stark contrast to Carmela’s
submission, her emotional habitus prioritizes self-respect, rational
emotion management, dialogue, and consent over impulse and passion.
Carmela is aware of her emotional subordination to Edoardo, yet she
does not perceive it as unjust or as a form of symbolic violence. Her
role as a “woman” in the relationship, which she herself describes as
inevitably subordinate, reflects an emotional habitus in which a woman’s
identity is tied to being an “object of love” and a mother. She states:
“All it takes is a ring… and the promise of a lifetime together, and I
break down,” highlighting how love and emotional stability are her only
avenues for fulfillment, in alignment with the social expectations of
her subculture.
Edoardo, conversely, is fully aware of his position of power, a man
for whom everything is permitted and forgiven. His emotional habitus,
shaped by street life and criminal dynamics, normalizes emotional
deviance within his subculture, where male infidelity and parental
disengagement are not insurmountable conflicts, but ordinary relational
behaviors. His ability to maintain parallel relationships with Carmela
and Teresa, without apparent remorse, constitutes a form of symbolic
violence, not only toward the women involved but also toward himself, as
it perpetuates his emotional detachment and lack of accountability.
In this section, I will elaborate on how the mentioned character
embodies emotional habitus archetypes. Edoardo, a member of the
subaltern deviant class, exhibits emotional habitus traits of dominance
and control manifested in ambivalence between detachment and jealousy.
He identifies his gender role in hegemonic masculinity. Carmela, also
from the subaltern class, possesses emotional habitus traits of
submission and sacrifice, which are evident in self-blaming and
suffering. She identifies her gender role in maternity and affective
dependence. Teresa, belonging to the upper dominant class, embodies
emotional habitus traits of reflexivity and rationality, characterized
by autonomy and detachment. She identifies her gender role in
emancipated femininity.
4.2. “Malaise“ in music
The immense popularity of “Mare Fuori”, particularly on TikTok, has
transformed characters like Edoardo and Ciro into icons. In viral
videos, they are labeled as “malaises” (#malessere): charismatic,
handsome, jealous, and possessive, traits that are often romanticized.
In the music industry, artists such as Fabiana, Matteo Paolillo, Guè,
Tony Effe, and Baby Gang have capitalized on the theme of “malaise”,
generating millions of views. The song “M’piace o’ malesser” (I like the
malaise) by Fabiana (2.6 million views on TikTok) has influenced musical
and cultural trends, reinforcing the desirability of the malessere
figure.
An accurate depiction of this cultural archetype is provided by
Fabiana in her song “Malessere”, where she glorifies the “bad boy”:
tall, muscular, tattooed, ignorant, rude, potentially violent,
possessive, jealous, and capable of making his partners suffer, but
loved precisely for these traits.
“I want him to show up on a motorcycle / Under my balcony, even at
one in the morning /To get jealous, even in front of people / If another
man looks at me / I like the ‘Malessere’/That guy who causes trouble at
night /Then leaves to go dancing / I want the ‘Malessere,’ with tattoos
and a long beard—hot!/ But what can I do? I like the ‘Malessere’/ The
kind of guy who starts fights / If I go out with my friends” (author’s
translation)
The appeal is directed toward the guy who is willing to “create
drama”, who resorts to violence over a mere glance, positioned in
opposition to the “boring” good boy: “Too polite? No, I don’t care / If
he brings me flowers, I won’t follow him/ If he doesn’t notice how I
dress, no—he’s not my type” (author’s translation). By explicitly
rejecting the “educated” boy as unattractive, the song highlights the
dissonance between young women who adhere to this emotional habitus and
those who conform to different relational expectations.
Both in its lyrics and visual aesthetics, the song centers around an
idealized notion of “virile” masculinity, characterized by
possessiveness, obsessive jealousy, control, and symbolic violence.
These behaviors are romanticized and framed as desirable traits,
blurring the boundary between love and abuse.
The term “Malaise” is emblematic: it does not signify emotional
distress to be resolved but rather a set of characteristics that embody
toxic and dominant masculinity. The man described in the song controls
what the woman wears, dictates where she can go, and reacts violently to
any interaction she has with other men. This model is further reinforced
through visual aesthetics in the music video, which draws inspiration
from the 1950s American housewife archetype, evoking female
subordination within an idealized system of male dominance. Symbols such
as long beards and tattoos, commonly associated with criminal
subcultures and “system boys”, add another layer of cultural
identification, linking attraction to power, danger, and rebellion
(Ravveduto 2023). These elements construct a cultural framework in which
women do not seek emancipation from a mafia-influenced context but
rather actively support, desire, and sustain men who represent, protect,
and enforce it.
Fabiana’s song builds a narrative where violent behaviors are
reframed as symptoms of love, such as jealousy and possessiveness. She
is not alone in this: similar themes appear in other songs like
“Malessere” by Matteo Paolillo (who plays Edoardo in “Mare Fuori”)
featuring Guè:
“I made you understand that I was the malessere / We go out late, so
the streets are empty / You know when we pass by, everyone turns to
look, I look like a Saracen / A cigarette in my mouth, hands in my
pockets/ Swaggering through the city/ Some people come out just to meet
me/ And their heart stops if they see me walk by” (author’s
translation)
Similarly, “So’ nu malessere” by Crocy Sarchiello describes malessere
as an untamed, rebellious, and violent figure, who attracts through
transgressive charm: “I am a malessere in the soul/ I am the devil/ A
carnal malessere / But this time you’ve fallen, and there’s no way out/
I’m here because you’re nervous, and that makes it even better.” This
type of masculinity is constructed around dominance and deviance: the
malessere is swaggering, smoking, exciting those around him, and defying
social norms. Crocy Sarchiello’s song reinforces the carnal and
predatory nature of this identity, portraying it as something that
dominates and possesses women.
Many of these songs intertwine love and violence, portraying
relationships that oscillate between extreme passion and absolute
control. For instance, “Si o malessere mij” by Benny G includes
references to murder out of jealousy: “I tell everyone you’re mine /
I’ll kill you if you lie to me/ I’ll do like Rosa Ricci/ This is a
criminal love.” (Rosa Ricci is a criminal character of “Mare fuori”).
Similarly, Carmine di Tommaso’s “O’ Malessere” states: “I am a criminal
for this love / For you, I am a malessere/ You think you’re the only one
suffering, but I suffer for you too/ You are mine and no one else’s/ I
would steal the moon to make you happy.”
Songs also incorporate elements of ghosting, social media control,
and unpredictability, as in “Malessere” by Renato Biancardi, where the
man blocks his partner on WhatsApp, watches her Instagram stories without following
her, never calls, likes other women’s posts, and then suddenly contacts
her at 4 AM. The music video contains references to “Mare fuori”,
reinforcing the connection between these themes and the malessere
archetype.
A notable song revival is “Malessere” by Rosy Rey, a cover of the
original track by Mauro Nardi. In Nardi’s version, the man addresses his
“malessere” woman, describing her as a source of suffering and desire.
Rosy Rey, however, inverts the perspective, portraying a woman who
accuses the man of causing her pain while confessing her inability to
leave him. The lyrics compare him to a disease, a toxic and inescapable
bond: “You put me on the cross like Jesus Christ / You are both sugar
and poison.” The music video portrays a violent gendered relationship
marked by frequent fights and emotional tension, with a domestic setting
that highlights the intimacy and inescapability of these conflicts,
framing them as an emotional (and physical) prison. Many artists openly
link love to crime, often declaring a willingness to die, go to prison,
or kill for love. For example, in “Everyday” by Geolier featuring Anna,
Shiva, Takagi & Ketra, the lyrics state: “I’ll kill you just because
you talk to her /And you’ll kill me just because I talk to her.”
Some songs, like “Femmena Bugiarda” (Lier women) by Franco Ricciardi,
introduce the female counterpart of the malessere: the “malessere
woman”, depicted as manipulative, jealous, unstable, yet irresistible.
Similarly, Joka Dablo’s “Malessere” presents this woman as dominant and
destabilizing, triggering jealousy and conflict while fostering intense
emotional dependency. The “malessere woman” is simultaneously an object
of fear and desire, aligning with the femme fatale archetype, a
patriarchal stereotype that reduces women to either angels or demons,
limiting their complexity as social subjects (Kristeva 1980).
Across popular, trap, and neomelodic music, emotional norms reinforce
the glorification of jealousy, control, and violence as expressions of
love and masculinity. This perpetuates the idea that men must be
dominant while women must accept control as proof of love. The emotional
habitus portrayed in these lyrics and videos normalizes male aggression
and delegates emotional labor to women, who are expected to be
understanding, nurturing, and emotionally self-sacrificing. For men,
this emotional habitus suppresses emotions like vulnerability or fear,
promoting strength, control, and jealousy as desirable traits linked to
patriarchal masculinity. The romanticization of toxic relationships and
female devotion to suffering reinforces a collective imaginary where
pain, jealousy, and violence are rebranded as passionate love. Within
commercial popular music culture, jealousy and possession are equated
with authentic love, reinforcing patriarchal models where male control
is normalized and female emotions are dismissed as unstable and
subordinate. Passion-driven love is thus framed as an excuse for violent
or controlling behavior, presenting it as natural and inevitable.
4.3. The influence of TikTok
TikTok has emerged as a globally accessible and inclusive digital
space, enabling popular participation and amplifying marginalized
voices, particularly those who previously lacked access to cultural
production (van Dijck 2013; Zuo & Wang 2019; Boffone 2022). The
dominance of Gen Z (born 2000–2014) in both content creation and
consumption (Doyle 2022) has transformed TikTok into a narrative space
for intimate relationships, where users document their experiences,
reflections, and expectations, offering a window into contemporary
social dynamics.
Among the curated TikTok content, songs, couple skits, and ads for
the malessere aesthetic reveal how this archetype has evolved into a
consumer style. A dataset of 70 high-engagement profiles (men, women,
and heterosexual couples aged 20–30) highlights self-celebration,
branding strategies (Arvidsson 2005), viral trend exploitation,
performative attitudes, and scripted couple scenarios.
For male users, the malessere prototype is built on rigid gender
norms, portrayed with detailed irony: stylized haircuts, specific
fashion choices, and physical fitness are linked to sexual desirability
and dominant masculinity. TikTok reinforces a male emotional habitus
where virility is associated with control and dominance, emphasizing
aggression and jealousy as attractive traits. The settings of the videos
include intimate narratives of romantic relationships and take place in
everyday contexts such as cars, homes, streets, shops, and even
bedrooms. Partners record themselves exchanging kisses, getting ready to
go out, and, in some cases, simulating sexual acts, sometimes without
dialogue and with trap music playing in the background.
As declared in Tiktok videos, many women explicitly express a desire
for relationships with the #malessere. This aspiration, shared through
monologues or ironic confessions, is linked to a feminine emotional
habitus that normalizes violent relational dynamics: young women
idealize jealous and possessive men, interpreting these traits as signs
of care and love, in a pattern resembling emotional dependence.
Couple profiles narrate everyday scenes that alternate between
intimacy and tension, addressing themes such as economic violence and
possessiveness. Some recurring trends emerge: for instance, control over
women’s clothing and, more broadly, their bodies. In one video from the
selection, a partner rips up his girlfriend’s clothes, deeming them too
provocative, while shouting aggressive orders: “che rè stu cos? stracc
stu cos! straccia! jamm a vrè! mo mittatil accusì!» (What is this? Tear
it up! Tear up this thing! Let’s see, now put it on like this
[torn]).
Another recurrent trend is the “Can I do this?” format, in which a
girl asks her boyfriend what she is allowed to do in his absence: e.g.,
sleeping over at a friend’s house, borrowing a hoodie from a male
friend, posting a picture in a swimsuit, going out dancing with her
friends, only to receive consistently negative responses.
In some videos, women react aggressively to oppressive behaviors, a
response that is also perceived as acceptable within a dynamic that, in
practice, does not alter the fundamental structure of the
relationship.
On TikTok, the prototype of the #malessere man becomes a recognizable
stereotype, which can be described through a behavioral decalogue. Some
TikTokers illustrate this relational model through lists: the partner
who initially pursues and then disappears, who gives extravagant gifts, offers luxury but ultimately controls
his partner in every aspect, from clothing (not too provocative or
seductive, to the point of tearing apart prohibited outfits) to
friendships and even monitoring private messages on her phone. Within
this context, the “malaise” represents a toxic relationship
characterized by a continuous cycle of promises and disillusionment,
generating insecurity, anxiety, and emotional dependence.
5. Discussion of results
5.1. “The Beautiful and
the Damned” archetype
Media both reflect and actively shape social reality, constructing
power relations and cultural dynamics. Studying the collective
imagination means analyzing narrative and visual flows, influenced by
the meaning-making process of media texts, and driven by non-rational
and sensory engagement, which mediates the interaction between
individuals and the collective (Ragone 2015).
Through a critical analysis of Mare Fuori, one of Italy’s most
popular TV series in recent years, and the viral TikTok #malessere
trend, this study examined the mediatized representation of a recurring
cultural topos: the beautiful and damned. It investigates how a media
phenomenon can be both a reflection of reality and a space where reality
is actively constructed and negotiated, either reinforcing or
challenging existing social dynamics, shaping how people relate and
express emotions (Hall 1980). The beautiful and damned figure, rooted in
literary and cinematic traditions from Narcissus, Don Giovanni, and
Faust to Heathcliff, Fitzgerald’s Gatsby, and James Dean (Fitzgerald
2011; Dal Monte 2021), problematizes men’s attraction to destruction.
This archetypal hero, both charming and self-destructive, embodies
ambiguous, rebellious, and dangerous traits, symbolizing hegemonic
masculinity and the enduring association between power, deviance, and
attraction. This type of media representation often reinforces toxic
masculinity, characterized by aggression, dominance, and the rejection
of emotions considered “feminine”, positioning such behaviors as
integral to romantic relationships and traditional gender roles (Connell
& Messerschmidt 2005; Banet-Weiser 2018). Cinema and television
frequently depict male aggression as a sign of strength and virility
(Harris 2015).
5.2. Emotional
violence and the #Malessere narrative
Emotional and psychological violence in heterosexual relationships,
primarily perpetrated by men, remains underrepresented in the media
compared to physical forms of abuse. However, it persists precisely
because it is embedded in cultural archetypes and reinforced through
dominant discourses (Bettaglio et al. 2018, p.10). Desire and attraction
are also shaped by patriarchal emotional habitus.
For instance, the #malessere archetype in “Mare Fuori” and TikTok is
built on an emotional habitus that centers romantic relationships around
jealousy and anger, exercised through control and possessiveness over
the female partner. These traits are so normalized and accepted that they become markers of desirability.
In “Mare Fuori”, romantic relationships are a significant narrative
element and are frequently intertwined with organized crime dynamics.
The emotions linked to #malessere include symbolic and physical
violence, which is justified as part of a passionate love where control
and dominance are central. These emotions are intrinsically tied to an
archetypal patriarchal masculinity, where vulnerability is repressed,
and strength becomes the primary mode of emotional expression.
This behavior manifests in a cycle of ghosting, social media
surveillance, and overt aggression, reinforcing the idea of a “strong”
yet ultimately dysfunctional man, incapable of processing complex
emotions. Through Edoardo’s character and his “damned” aesthetic,
emotional deviance is transformed into a culturally diffused and
idealized phenomenon, supporting a cultural framework that encourages
violence as a marker of virility and dominance.
The success of this narrative is not solely tied to the engaging plot
and complex characters of the series. Instead, it is also linked to the
virality of TikTok content, which has transformed “Mare Fuori”’s male
characters into cultural symbols of an ideology as problematic as it is
appealing.
5.3. Emotional habitus
Applying the concept of emotional habitus to the study of media
phenomena, examining “Mare Fuori”, music trends, and TikTok videos,
reveals how the collective imagination constructs and diffuses social
norms and emotional hierarchies through diverse communication
languages.
The male malessere emotional habitus is structured around a
relational model that links strength and control to desirability,
transforming dysfunctional emotions and behaviors into idealized traits
of masculinity. The key emotional patterns in this habitus include:
jealousy as proof of love and passion, expressed through obsessive and
possessive behaviors; irritability and anger, triggered by real or
imagined threats, reinforcing the image of a passionate, impulsive man;
contempt for vulnerability, where emotional fragility is repressed and
replaced by displays of strength, often through aggression; frustration,
often resulting from an inability to sustain stable relationships,
leading to self-sabotaging behaviors such as ghosting or infidelity. The
behaviors associated with this habitus revolve around control as an
assertion of dominance, manifesting in surveillance of the female
partner, including control over her body, clothing, and social
interactions and emotional manipulation, fostering dependency through
cycles of affection and rejection. Conversely, the emotional habitus of
women involved with #malessere men is rooted in affective subordination
and the normalization of suffering as part of love. The key emotional
patterns include humiliation and submission, where control and jealousy
are interpreted as signs of care and attention; idealization of
sacrifice, viewing personal suffering as proof of authentic love,
normalizing tolerance toward symbolic or physical violence; guilt,
making women feel responsible for relationship conflicts or failures;
hope for change, which sustains tolerance toward patriarchal behaviors;
internal conflict, between the desire for freedom and the emotional
bonds that keep them in the relationship.
This affective dependency leads women to remain in toxic
relationships despite abuse or lack of reciprocity.
5.4. The ambivalence of
emotional habitus
An intriguing aspect of emotional habitus is its ambivalence: it
functions both as an implicit guide for social action and as a
constraint that limits individual possibilities, yet it also creates
marginal spaces—liminal moments—when an individual is temporarily pushed
outside their habitual framework. This occurs, for instance, in
interclass interactions or during the transient adoption of different
lifestyles.
The two protagonists, Edoardo and Carmela, embody an emotional
habitus in which masculinity is synonymous with control and dominance,
while femininity is defined by submission and self-sacrifice for the
family. In contrast, Teresa represents an opposing character, expressing
an emotional habitus that prioritizes autonomy and self-respect.
However, she momentarily deviates from this norm when she explores a
relationship with Edoardo. This deviation is temporary, as Teresa
ultimately reverts to her original emotional habitus in response to
Edoardo’s betrayal and deception.
Edoardo and Teresa’s storyline symbolically narrates an experience of
“temporary deviance” from one’s original habitus, which may generate a
sense of freedom. However, this sensation remains superficial and
ephemeral. Ultimately, individuals remain anchored to their internalized
dispositions, and their return to their original habitus, often
unconsciously, results in a forced realignment with the roles and norms
imposed by their social environment.
This dialectic between perceived freedom and social obligation
reflects the broader structures of gender, class, age, ethnicity, and
other privilege categories, providing a key analytical lens for
understanding the tensions that pervade intimate relationships.
Although fictional, this relationship triangle mirrors real dynamics
of power and affective dependence, offering insights into contemporary
sentimental phenomena.
The analyzed songs encode the love-suffering binary into music and
lyrics, often employing a direct, non-poetic, and non-metaphorical
language. Neomelodic and trap music articulate the emotional habitus
characterized by jealousy, possessiveness, impulsivity, and passion.
Fabiana celebrates malessere as a masculine ideal, reinforcing control
and jealousy as signs of passion and devotion. Rosy Rey, on the other
hand, reverses the perspective, depicting a woman’s internal conflict as
she suffers for love yet remains unable to leave a toxic
relationship.
On TikTok, through a mix of performativity and self-narration, the
analyzed videos reveal distinct gendered portrayals of malessere: male
profiles construct the malessere archetype through codified aesthetics
(clothing, tattoos, arrogant behaviors) and relationship dynamics based
on jealousy and control; female profiles, through ironic dialogues and
personal confessions, express a desire for the malessere type, thus
normalizing subordination as a sign of love;
couple profiles stage arguments, domestic skits, or humorous
interactions, often masking dynamics of control and symbolic violence
under the guise of entertainment.
Applying the concept of emotional habitus allows for a critical
analysis of media as tools of symbolic construction, demonstrating how
fiction and digital content contribute to either legitimizing or
challenging existing power dynamics.
Here, emotional habitus intersects with algorithmic culture, engaging
in a co-production process between social norms and technological
structures (Airoldi 2023). The viral nature of TikTok content rapidly
establishes a recognizable and replicable cultural grammar, reinforcing
(dysfunctional) relational models.
A key finding of this study is the active role of women who choose
subordination, having internalized and thus reproduced narratives that
oppose feminist or progressive models. These individuals embrace
dynamics that exalt corporeality, aggression, and control, rejecting
relationships based on reflexivity, consent, dialogue, or equality.
Relationships with the #malessere archetype echo elements of
patriarchal romanticism, still deeply rooted in the collective
imagination, where passion and conflict intertwine with power and
submission.
Irony emerges as a powerful yet dangerous tool: it numbs the
brutality of these dynamics, contributing to a framework in which toxic
and violent relationships become culturally acceptable models (Bainotti
& Semenzin 2021).
6. Conclusions
Emotional habitus connects social norms to individual emotions,
revealing how gender inequalities manifest within the affective
domain.
Through viral trends and multimedia content, emotional habitus is
expressed and renegotiated dynamically within new media environments.
This opens spaces for critique of existing norms and the construction of
alternative relational models. Emotional habitus thus provides a
critical lens for understanding how emotions are instrumentalized to
reproduce or challenge gender inequalities.
In the examples analyzed, the normalization of female subordination
and male control reflects patriarchal emotional norms that perpetuate
power hierarchies. Feminist critique illuminates the growing
commodification and repackaging of traditional gender roles through
digital platforms, as well as the rearticulation of patriarchal ideals
through individualistic and consumer-driven empowerment narratives.
Within TikTok, the romanticization of possessiveness and jealousy
frequently manifests under ironic tones or self-aware captions,
effectively concealing the perpetuation of patriarchal logics through
aesthetically mediated performances of agency. This phenomenon is
situated within a “choice feminism” framework (Ferguson, 2010), wherein
subordination is presented as a personal preference rather than
structural oppression. Nevertheless, spaces for resistance and
transformation also emerge, as evidenced by profiles that actively
deconstruct stereotypes and renegotiate their roles within
relationships.
These dynamics should also be considered within the context of
affective capitalism, where emotions (particularly romantic suffering,
jealousy, and dependency) transform into forms of cultural and economic
capital (Illouz, 2017). Platforms such as TikTok and Instagram monetize
intimate suffering by converting it into viral content, thereby
embedding structural gender asymmetries within the architecture of
platform economies.
As a work of fiction, Mare Fuori constructs a mediated reality—a
narrative that, while not an absolute truth, reflects the concerns,
interpretations, and sensitivities of its creators and the cultural
contexts in which it is produced and distributed.
Fictional narratives function as symbolic spaces where historical and
social processes are explored in mediated yet powerful forms (Jameson
1981). The evocative power of fiction, its interpretative and symbolic
function, underscores how media are not mere reflections of reality but
sites where reality is actively negotiated and constructed (Hall
1980).
In this sense, Mare Fuori both reflects and shapes the collective
imagination and social perceptions, influencing discourses on justice,
marginality, and youth experiences. The series becomes part of a broader
process of social reflection, offering a lens through which to examine
social conflicts, class struggles, and youth inequalities.
The representation of gender in the media analyzed portrays men and
women in distinctly different ways, reinforcing gender stereotypes
through media language (Robustelli 2020). This mirrors the divisive
nature of gender discourse in contemporary society, where popular and
conservative sectors emphasize biological differences between men and
women.
The “malessere” phenomenon has idealized the stereotype of the
possessive and jealous man. The social media trend has disseminated
content that dangerously associates possession with love, portraying
violence in a romanticized manner.
The malessere archetype embodies all the traits of a manipulator, as
described by women themselves, who define such relationships as toxic.
These relationships are marked by a cycle of attention and rejection,
generating insecurity, anxiety, and desire, ultimately fueling what is
termed “affective dependence.”
Male control over women manifests in multiple ways, from monitoring
their clothing and friendships to surveilling private
communications.
According to ISTAT data (2023), in Italy, nearly 50% of respondents
still endorse at least one stereotype about sexual violence, and among
young people aged 18 to 29, 16.1% accept male control over their
partner’s communication channels (mobile phone and social media).
The persistence of patriarchal stereotypes, embedded in the cultural
landscape, continues to blur the distinction between possession and
love, reinforcing a narrative in which control and domination are
normalized within intimate relationships.
This “damned possessive adjective,” as Galimberti (2023) defines it,
transforms the other’s freedom into property to be controlled. In the
song, jealousy is portrayed as a desirable behavior: the man who creates
“tarantelle” to show interest is celebrated, while the polite or
respectful man is mocked. This logic completely overturns the concept of
consent and mutual respect, reinforcing the equivalence between love and
control.
If the fundamental distinction between sex and rape, which lies
entirely in the word consent, is not recognized—along with the tragic
statistics underlying this extreme possessiveness—then what we see
trending on social media will remain credible: the idea that love and
possession are synonymous, when in reality, they could not be more
opposite.
The intersectional approach, beyond discussing how power dynamics
shape love and intimate relationships, also questions hierarchies of
power not only between genders but also between species, nature, and
technology. Human relationships and practices, including affective and
romantic ones, cannot be reduced to purely private or intimate
dimensions, as they carry profound social and political implications
(Haraway 2015; Guerra 2021).
Relational practices can thus be understood as tools of resistance
and transformation against dominant power structures. I envision a
political and revolutionary eros, rooted in reciprocal care and freedom,
embracing Haraway’s philosophy of “affinity” rather than identity, weaving a network of relationships in which
individuals are not defined solely by fixed or binary affiliations.
In light of this, any analysis of emotional habitus in digital
culture must remain critically attuned to how feminist values are not
only diminished but instrumentalized by affective capitalism. What
appears to be empowerment often obscures the systemic conditions under
which inequality persists. Taking a distance from neoliberal feminism, a
more intersectional and materialist approach to relational practices is
necessary, one that emphasizes collective resistance and reimagines care
beyond market logic.
This study is limited by its focus on Italian media and TikTok,
suggesting further comparative studies across platforms and cultural
contexts. Future research could benefit from a comparative transnational
approach, examining whether similar “malessere” archetypes exist in
other media ecosystems and how they intersect with local gender norms.
Investigating how these dynamics differ across age groups, sexual
orientations, and class positions would enrich our understanding of
emotional habitus in its full intersectional complexity.
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Songs
Benny G (2023). Si o malessere mij. Seamusica
Biancardi R. (2023) Malessere. Universal Music Italia Srl
di Tommaso C. (2023). O’ Malessere. Ferrante
Crocy Sarchiello (2024). So’ nu malessere . GA.DA RECORD
Fabiana (2023) Malessere. FR PRODUCTION
Joka Dablo (2023). Malessere.
Nardi M. (2014). Malessere. Zeus Record srl
Ricciardi F, ft. Guè Pequeno (2017). Femmena Bugiarda. Cuore Nero Project, distributed by Universal Music Italia srl
Rosy Rey (2023). Malessere (Cover). Ncstudiorecording
Paolillo, M & Guè (2024). Il Malessere . ADA/Warner Music Italy
Takagi & Ketra feat. Shiva, Anna, Geolier (2023). Everyday. Flexin Media Team Production
